i wanna kiss you, but if i do then i might miss you, babe

Wow the shock of how quickly one can fall. or not how quickly they are actually falling but the realisation that they have in fact fallen for someone they thought was just a friend, a shoulder to moan on, or someone to flirt with. they could have been falling for years with no clue that one day they would believe they could not in fact live without the other. It just takes a couple of cute texts and big hugs, cheesy smiles and friendly banter to cause a girls heart to slowly fall down a hole of no return even if the other only truly loves you as a friend. but that's love isn't it that's the pain and the heartache. but mostly that's the thrill f it all.

Cause when there's you I feel whole And there's no better feeling in the world

What is this feeling, this feeling of worthlessness, of uselessness, This feeling that anything i do will not be good enough, I'll never fit in but then never be special enough to stand out. I will always just be a faded corner of an amazing event. the bit people forget to say, never remember...

And whats made me feel like this?

i suppose its the way we are all moving on, splitting up, losing touch. I don't want to lose any of my friends I want things to stay just as they are now, I have shared some amazing memories with some amazing people and I'm just so scared I'm never going to see them again. Because i need them to feel whole and no-one or nothing could replace the friends i have at the moment. And yes we have our arguments, but they're meaningless pointless arguments that last only a few minutes and once they are over we're back to being best friends again. But i don't think i could find that with any other people. Some of my friends i have been with for eleven years, and I'm not ready to break that bond of friendship yet... Not when we're just beginning to grow up and be our real selves. I need them for that!

And that brings me on to my last topic. I want to feel loved this summer. I want to feel like i belong to one person and that they'd miss me if i was gone. And I know it'd hardly last longer than a couple of months or a year, and it would just be some stupid childish infatuation, but it's what i want right now. i don't care about labels such as boyfriends, girlfriends, in a relationship, single. That doesn't matter to me! I just want to feel loved this summer and have someone love me as much as i love them, want to spend time with me, enjoy my company and miss me when I'm not there. I want someone to feel for me as i have for them for a long time. But wishing doesn't make dreams come true, it just fills your head with sadness and disappointment...

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked in to your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity - Henry Bromel